Camping - Summer Family Fun To Last a Lifetime

Summer can be an opportunity for increased togetherness and family fun. There are many activities and adventures that can occupy your time this summer, but camping can be a wonderful opportunity to create lasting positive family memories and offer fun experiences that can create a lifetime of meaningful lessons.  Camping can offer you and your family new perspectives on family functioning, relationships with one another, and possibly even new found self awareness.

I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, consider myself a camping expert. To be honest, I do not know a lot about the art of camping. But I do know about relationships, and our constant journey towards being our best selves. I am fairly new to camping, but it has become very important to me.  I truly love the way my family interacts while camping and what we all take away from our adventures. We return home closer and somehow more grounded in our true selves. From these experiences I have learned a few things that I would like to share with you. These are my five important pieces of a rewarding camping experience:

1.       Planning – Thoroughly prepare for the trip. Go beyond the “where” and “when” and focus on the “what” – what will we bring, do, see? Request and use input from the whole family. Hold family meetings to encourage everyone to think about what they truly need to feel comfortable and make the trip more joyful.  Planning before can reduce anxiety and overwhelm later. This encourages forward thinking, which is a good skill to have. It acknowledges personal needs and the needs of others.  It is also an opportunity to distinguish needs from wants; you can’t take everything camping.

2.       Cooperation – This includes sharing tasks and working together. Team work is a big part of a successful camping trip. There is opportunity for everyone to help and it’s all valuable. Many hands make light work. Kids gain a since of pride and increased feelings of self-worth when they feel as though their contributions are valuable.

 

3.       Exploring – This includes the exploration of the environment as well as learning about each other.  This is an opportunity for valuable connections without distractions. Tune in to nature, each other, and yourself.  Create time for quiet contemplation. Nature walks and artful journaling can provide these moments. I love to bring art supplies to camping trips, and then make time to quietly create. You can write or draw what’s around you and how it feels to be there. You may wish to invite your family to do the same. Paying close attention to the beautiful surroundings that camping can offer may nurture an appreciation of nature, which just might lead to increased concern for the wellbeing of our environment.

4.       Sharing – Camping naturally lends itself to small spaces and limited resources, which makes sharing a must. But beyond the material, camping provides opportunity for sharing of thoughts and feelings from the past to the present – fun stories and family history. It is a great time to learn more about your kids, and for them to learn more about you.

 

5.       Fun – It may be obvious, but have fun. You are away from your regular routine with no homework or deadlines. Focus on connection and enjoy yourself. Tap into your playful / silly side. How often does your family get to see that part of you?

Let go of any grand expectations and just enjoy. There’s no such thing as a perfect experience – it is what it is.  So just relax and go with it.  Everything gets dirty when camping. You may literally make yourself crazy trying to keep things clean. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Let it go and embrace the dirt. Ultimately what really matters is enjoying time together. Keeping this in focus can be very helpful. As you do this, you will notice all of the brilliant tiny moments around you: Awe at the majesty of an  800 year old redwood tree or a radiant starry sky, and notice the amazement on the faces of your loved-ones.  You may even have a chance to revel in the un-coerced cooperation among your kids – that’s a very nice moment.

Camping can offer a chance for you and your family to step away from the zip-zam-zoom of daily life. It’s a chance to slow down and refocus on what’s really important, and what you may come home with is increased or renewed connection.

Nurturing the Spirit of Giving and Gratitude

 

By Emily A. McDougall, LMFT

 

 

As we all know exceedingly well, parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world. Not only are we constantly focused on keeping our kids as safe and healthy as possible, we are also responsible for guiding them to be kind and compassionate people. I am sure that you, as much as I, want to be proud of the thoughtful, unselfish, grateful, and hopefully altruistic adults that we someday release into the world. But when I hear my children’s all too frequent sibling arguments to the tune of, “That’s mine! Give it back!”, or receive a heavy sigh with eye-roll because they are unhappy with what’s for breakfast, I am not so sure if my hopes will come to fruition.

During times like these, I am reminded that parenting with intention is so very important. By this I mean being very deliberate in my parenting actions and interventions to bring about the change I want to see. Nurturing the spirit of giving and gratitude is not incredibly difficult, but I think it must be addressed with consistency and with intention.

Here are a few thoughts on how to encourage giving and gratitude with meaning and on a regular basis. Instilling such virtues takes time (and parental patience - I can attest to that).

1.       Help children understand the difference between a want and a need.

This can be a blurry concept for kids. “I need a new video game” is not equal to “I need warm clothes”. One is necessary for healthy survival, and the other (although it may be truly desired) is not. Asking clarifying questions may help children gain clearer understanding. For example, “What will happen if you do not get something you want (such as a new toy, cool jeans, or the next generation electronic), compared to not getting something you need (like food, shelter, or kindness)?

2.       Bring conversation to what they observe around them.  

Address, on an age-appropriate level, the difficult topics of homelessness, hunger, and poverty when they see it in daily life. Unfortunately such suffering is ever present. Such observations will continue to make the distinction between a need and a want all the more real. Try not to turn a blind eye to the struggles of those around us. If we do, our kids will as well.

3.       Brainstorm ways of giving.

What can I do? What can you do? What can we do? Kids can offer great ideas of ways to help others. It can be very meaningful to ask their opinion. Such inquiry can validate their ability to be truly effective in helping others – They may be small, but they are capable of having a big impact.

Donating unused toys and clothes that they have outgrown to those that need them is a simple way to start giving. Encouraging our kids to make regular sweeps of their rooms and closets for donation items can keep the needs of others present for them.  Engaging in this activity as a family can be even more meaningful, as it demonstrates the family’s value of giving.

4.       Turn gratitude into a topic of regular conversation.

This topic comes up a lot at Thanksgiving, but we all have so much to be grateful for - Let’s talk about it more often. What are you grateful for today? How do you show that gratefulness? Such discussions can be part of your dinner conversations, after school check-ins, or incorporated into a child’s bed-time routine.

Regular conversations on values that we, as parents, find meaningful and wish to instill in our children are necessary for the development of those values. But one of the very best ways that kids learn is through observation. Our kids are constantly learning from what they see us do, even when we may not realize it. How do we model gratitude and giving for them? How do we demonstrate compassion and kindness?  Mahatma Gandhi’s quote of, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world” is very salient for us parents. If we wish to see goodness and giving from our kids, they must see these virtues demonstrated by us first.

A Renewed Way to Start a New Year

By Emily McDougall, LMFT

 

The beginning of a new year is often a time when we consider making changes in ourselves. We’ve all said it, “this year I am going to go to the gym everyday!” “This year I am going to live completely within my budget.” ”This year I am not going to check my emails on the weekends and only focus on family.” We make sweeping resolutions that leave us little room for error and a lot of room for guilt and negative self-talk. I have started many years this way, only to become frustrated, disappointed, or (perhaps in a subconscious attempt to protect my ego) completely forget about my goal all together.

One January, several years ago, a dear friend shared her New Year renewal tip with me. I immediately thought she was brilliant. Her take on the standard resolution was simple: choose a meaningful word or phrase that represents how you wish to live that year.  Rather than focusing on a specific behavior that you wish to rigidly change, focusing on a theme allows you the freedom to seek your goal at any time and in all that you do. Let me give you an example. My renewal word last year was Joy. It was my intention to seek, create, and nurture joy for myself and others throughout the year. This joyful journey included turning a weekly grocery shopping trip with my kids into a scavenger hunt; wearing a fabulous, one-of-a-kind, mommy-please-wear-it-to-work macaroni necklace to a lengthy business meeting; and creating a mock American Idol audition during a ridiculous traffic jam. Making a choice to be joyous, even when fun seemed to be nowhere in sight, made for a pretty wonderful year.

This year, you may wish to give this renewed resolution a try. Start by choosing a theme (a word or phrase) that is meaningful to you and illustrates how you hope to describe this year in the future. Would you like your year to be playful, calm, or creative? Would you like this year to have meaningful connections with your friends and loved ones? Or perhaps you would like to look back on this year and realize that you lived with more courage or curiosity than you have in the past. Regardless of the word or phrase you use as your theme for the year, the more connection you have to it – the more engaged you will be in living it.

Creating little reminders of your goal can be useful in keeping you invested. Little notes of your word or phrase on your bathroom mirror, dashboard, or the home-screen of your cell phone can keep your objective present. Sharing your theme with loved ones and friends may offer opportunities for you to share your progress and meaningful moments. Making time to reflect on your theme allows you to assess how you are bringing it to life and how you can continue to do so in the future – what’s working and what adjustments can you make so that you can live your theme more fully tomorrow?

This rejuvenated take on a New Year’s resolution can be a great way to focus on being your best self every day.

How have you started anew in this New Year?